I hate watching Kenyan news. Not because it’s highly politicized, slightly problematic and just a little bit confusing. Those things actually make me like it a little bit more. I hate Kenyan news because it throws off my posting schedule.

I can hear you laughing about my non-existent posting schedule but in my defense, no schedule is a schedule. Eons ago, when I started writing my snarky thoughts into somewhat informational rants and tidbits, I believed I would post every Sunday. It’s still my intention… I just have to write the posts, proofread them, send them to my brother/editor, make the edits, proofread them again. I’m getting tired just thinking of all that stuff.

But I’m not here to talk about my non-schedule schedule. Every time I watch Kenyan news I end up changing whatever I was thinking about writing. This week I had planned on tackling African superstitions and Cholera but thanks to the running mates debate that failed to take place, I have to change it. Besides, it’s Kenya, Cholera has been here and it sadly does not seem like it’s going anywhere. I can always write about it next week.

I just want to know why Kenyan politicians don’t want me to prosper. First, they pass a constitution that doesn’t allow me to register to vote two months to the general election. Selfish! Secondly, they are part of a government that claims to be digital yet we can’t even book tickets for the SGR online. Thirdly, they use my parent's hard-earned tax money and don’t even deliver the lies they promised. Like, can I also get a laptop for my troubles?

However, that’s not what brings me here today. What brings me here today, unfortunately, is presidential running mates.

Yes, you read that correctly. In the changeable everlasting words of the great Allen Iverson we’re talking about running mates, not the issues but running mates. We’re sitting here, I’m supposed to be a non-paying tax citizen and we gon talk about running mates, not the issues, but running mates.

Not even what or how the running mates are going to assist the presidential candidates to run the country. Nope, Kenyans are currently talking about how only one running mate showed up for the debate.

 I’m actually stressed.

Kenyan politicians, I just want to know where we went wrong. Other than obviously voting some of you in, where did we go wrong?

You already have the money, the power, the girls, you have it. All we ask is that you show up. That’s all we’re asking for. You don’t even have to be well-versed for the debate, we’ve heard you say worse, our expectations are as low as low can get. We just want you to show up.

I’m going to try not be as mean as I want to be but I’m making no promises. Let’s look at all of this, with a little bit of logic, not too much just a little. Let’s imagine and believe that the organizers, journalists who know a thing or two about deadlines, did not notify the candidates and they’re running mates in enough time. That they have a bias and are not being as forthcoming with the candidates.

Indeed you have a right to be mad, you have a right to choose not to attend the debates, you have a right to do all the things you have done. But don’t you think it would be better to show up and use the platform to show why you deserve to lead the country. I know this sounds crazy, but wouldn’t it be better if you showed the organizers the professionalism and respect you believe you deserve. Running mates, you know you only become President, if your presidential candidate dies or is removed from office. On a scale of 0-1, you’re not the important one.

Presidential candidates who are going to boycott the debates because they feel discriminated against, I want you to know that I am tired. I am so tired. Again, let’s look at this with logic, not a lot of it, just a smidge. I hate to break it to you, but you are minority candidates. There are two main contenders in this election and it ain’t one of Y'all. In fact, most of us don’t know who some of you are. You’ve seen how the media houses cover the rallies, it’s either NASA or Jubilee, not any of the other independent parties or candidates. This debate would be and still is the best platform for some of you to introduce yourself to the country and hopefully steal some of the votes from the main contenders.

Main contenders. Oh, main contenders, I wish we had other ones but it’s you. You’re the frontrunners. I have no words for you. You guys have been in this game of politics longer than I’ve been alive. You know how to play it and you’re really playing it well.

Mr. President, you’ve “delivered” a handful of your promises in the past few months, there is an Unga shortage, nurses are on strike, your government is accused of being one of the most corrupt and there is a Cholera outbreak. Your scorecard is not looking good. But hear me out, this is possibly wild but you and the other presidential contenders managed to get the debate date postponed, you’ve had time. You can prepare and come bullshit us a little. In fact, you don’t even have to prepare just bring the same stuff you spew at rallies and use it to answer the questions. If Donald Trump could become president, dude you could do something too.

Mr. former Prime Minister, Sir, it has been a long journey. How many elections has it been so far? You’ve fought for the rights of not only Kenyans but your party and its ever changing iterations. You technically fought for this debate. You wanted democracy from President Moi and friends, this is what it looks like in Kenya. You not showing up for the debates after the president declined, would be like me never using sarcasm, useless. If you’re the only person there and you have the almost undivided attention of most people in the nation, you could combat the things your rivals are saying and tell us why you deserve to be president. If you showed up, you look good in some people’s eyes. You would be the winner if no one else shows up. There is no reason for you not to show up.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m tired. I’m exhausted by this election and we still have some time to go. I just want people to think. I want Kenya to be a nation of thinkers. I’m not asking for much, I’m simply asking that we think of what is best for the future of this nation and how we can all build towards it. All it takes is some logic, not a lot of it. Just a little bit of logic. I mean, even President Museveni, who jails his running mates, went for the debates.