Dear Hiring Manager,

I am excited to be back and writing on my blog. Four years ago, I sat on a plane and embarked on a journey that I had christened the 'beginning to the end,' I could have simply called it going away to university but I am extra and felt like this was a major milestone in my life.

Education and I have never been great friends. We got on, had some mutual friends and similar interests but I was always ready to get on with this thing called life. Once I got over my fear of growing up, I was ready to go out and shape the world into what I wanted and needed it to be. However, unless you have boatloads of money or extremely high levels of intelligence, there are some steps we believe cannot be skipped. You know high school, college, and then employment, and finally... hopefully surviving in the capitalist society we live in.

Now I have never been noticeable. I don't stand out in a crowd, I blend in and I enjoy blending in. Some would call me mediocre and I... was about to agree but then I remembered in some parts of the world, people of color are not allowed to be mediocre. So I will go with minimally above average. Being average is how some of us survive in this world that is looking for creators, innovators, and geniuses. However, even we average folk expect that once you are armed with the tools of life i.e. a degree and a basic understanding of the tax system, you should be able to survive. 

Well, I'm here to tell you, it is all lies. Just cause you have the degree doesn't mean you have the job. Just cause you got the paper, doesn't mean you will make any paper. HEYYYYYY!! I feel like I am really talking to someone right now. I said, just because you talk does not mean you will walk. (the last one doesn't really make sense but just roll with me.)

As these expertly curated gifs show, I have learned numerous things in my four years as an undergraduate. Yet somehow I need to be able to move the entire solar system in order to find employment. I mean, what do I look like? Thanos?

I know I have been unemployed for all of five minutes but we really must talk about this. There are certain things that we work with as a society and since I have nothing but time on my hands, I have begun to question them. For instance, have you ever thought of Rousseau's Social Contract and wondered if we can renegotiate?

Same.

Or what kind of experience companies expect you to bring to the entry-level table when you have been in school for the better part of your life. Did you want me to intern at Forbes in Kindergarten? Because I would have but they don't have a bureau in Nairobi.

Isn't it crazy that those of us seeking jobs have to be the ones to sell our skills to the company? How do I know if you are the right fit for me? No insurance, no days off, and I'm pretty sure if I died, you would still want me to come in. I'm just saying, if I am the one raking in the money for the company, you should be convincing me to make you more money while I take home peanuts. 

I have enough sense to realize that I am significantly under qualified for some of the jobs that I apply for but we have to shoot our shots, and when we miss, jog away from them rim. It's basic basketball. What I don't understand is why companies never email you back when you don't get the job. 

I understand that there are plenty, numerous, millions, if not billions of applicants and we are but drops in the ocean that is your company. It is just surprising that in a world where you can record an entire movie on a phone, send people into space and have fully automated cars, we cannot figure out a system that tells candidates that the position has been filled.

It's like those annoying Facebook memories of your embarrassing high school pictures or being ghosted by someone you were interested in. You showered, got dressed, put on make up/perfume/ cologne/ whatever it is you use, and sat waiting to be picked up but they never showed. To make matters worse, getting ghosted is something you can get over, there is a variety of bread in the basket and you can find love that sustains you elsewhere. A job is completely different because you need to LIVE. To buy food, clothes, and all the other things deemed necessary for survival.

It's really not helping me survive when the rejection email shows up months after I applied. First off, I barely remember applying for the job, and secondly, no shit I didn't get the job. What did you think I was doing? Waiting for you to call me back six months after the position was filled? 

Nah, fam! I've been thinking. Evolving. Growing. Getting on my hustler grind and thinking of solutions for you. Companies should hire me to personally e-mail people who did not get the position. I am the right amount of personally impersonal and I enjoy using email as a form of communication. The benefits for you are endless because you help out a poor African child and you have created an entirely new career path for people to follow. #Capitalism. 

What's sad about all this is that in the six minutes that I have been unemployed I have a list of complaints. I wonder what it is like for those who were once employed but were laid-off and have been unable to find employment after. Those who graduated years ago but are not able to find work in their field of study, or those who started university at the same time as me but couldn't complete it, not because they did not want to, but because of life or the government refusing to pay professors. (*COUGH*COUGH* Kenya)

These are the things that are on my mind more and more these days. Mainly because I have nothing but time on my hands but also because I worry about the world we live in. I don't know how to make the world a place that works in favor of everyone and not a select few. I do not know what it is like to live a life other than my own but I would like to understand and empathize. 

I want to share people's stories and I want to give someone at least three minutes away from whatever madness is being inflicted on us by the madmen we call our leaders. I want to explore, to open my mind to new ideas and numerous possibilities, I want to criticize and have discussions. I want to do so many things in this life, but for now, I will start by telling stories about Africa, my perspective on the world, and the things I learn and think about as an African abroad. 

I write all this, with great self-importance and awareness to tell you that I am changing up the blog. We will hopefully see new content, different things such as music, BOOKS, TV shows, culture, and general musings. Also, I am a graduate. I am unemployed and look forward to your response on a job. If not I am submitting my application to be swept off my feet by a prince, whether he is from Wakanda, Zamunda, or Mars. At this point, I'll take anything because your girl is broke.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.

Lukewarm regards,

Bev.

P.S. Don't share this. My next employer could be on your timeline.